Oceans

When you step into the ocean, away from the sand that is firm on the dry land, you walk out in faith.

You do not know what is out there, you do not know whats in the water, what is coming towards you, you do not know where the ground will dip, you have to trust your feet and the ocean floor. 

One thing people do not know about me is that I am scared of the ocean (now you know), if I go in I won't go past my hips, someone has to be with me holding my hand and even then I have this horrible anxiety consuming me. I am afraid of the ocean and the great unknown that is beneath the surface of the water. Watching Shark Week last week didn't help either, probably won't go in now past my knees.

This summer has been an adventure, a hard one but a good one. I was burnt out, I was consumed with activities, I was lost, I was confused, I was depressed, I wanted to quit this Christian walk. But of course God is faithful, so good, loving, and ever so sweet that He wouldn't stop chasing after me. He made sure I knew He was there and had greater plans for me. He brought people and things that showed me what was going on in the spiritual realm and in my life that made me feel this way. He started a new journey through this. He brought me to the starting line of a new glory, a new revelation that will take me deeper into His courts.

He called me to quit my job.

I pay for mostly everything, my rent, education, bills, groceries and etc; I am dependent on having a job. 

I have quit my job, I said yes to God.

During school, on the days I do not have class I will be at the Upper Room from morning to evening. I will be meditating on His words, ways and love. As I sit there reading my psychology textbooks, He has promised to reveal to me His wisdom on this subject; as I sit there meditating on His words, He has promised I will become more like Him; as I sit there worshiping, He has promised I will get to see His Glory. 

I do not worry for the days to come, I laugh because oh the joy that will come from this season! 

I do not know where the money is going to come from! I do not know how I am going to get it! But one thing I know is that He is faithful, I know He is my daddy, I know the treasures of Heaven are opened to me, I know He sees and I know I no longer have to worry.

"I already paid the price. Now labor in rest" (The words that were being sung at a worship set, just as I was walking in having anxiety over paying textbooks.) He is such a good Father, such a mighty God, such a beautiful Savior, a faithful Lover.

You call me out out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail 

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be by guide
Where feet may fail an fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

The Lord called me to overcome one of my greatest fear - the ocean. The difference though is that instead of walking into the ocean, I will be walking upon the waters, walking above everything that is in the deeps.  The great unknown below me, but I know that I will get to look down and see His creation underneath me, He will show me His beauty and will reveal to me who He is through them. 

No job, it is all I have known, I always worried about not having enough money to pay for bills or having groceries. To always work for everything I needed and wanted. To sustain myself. 

I know that as I walk deeper upon the ocean, I will probably become fearful, I might screw up and I probably will do a Peter; I will start to sink. The devil will try to remind me of my fears, the sharks, jellyfish and etc will surround me, I will be vulnerable to them. But God won't fail me, He will protect me and when I call out to Him, He will come and lift me out of the waters. I will meditate on His good works, I will worship Him and Thank Him.  He has already shown His faithfulness by providing for a payment for a leaders retreat that I didn't have money for.

I will call upon Your name 
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

I know there will be waves and disturbance in this walk, I do not know the storms that are to come in this season, and the friction below in the ocean deep that cause waves. However, I know I will keep my eyes on where my help comes from and I know that Jesus will walk me straight through the waves as if it were nothing, that I can be confident in His love for me. For if He is my Love, I am His bride, and he died for me then I know I can trust Him in His faithfulness to walk me through the waves, to calm the seas and to protect me.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

The Holy Spirit is what has guided me to this season and had me stepping into fully trusting the Lord (always struggled with fully trusting in Him), but to know that I can trust the Lord and that the ways He will provide and reveal Himself is without borders. The Holy Spirit will still guide me to where ever He has called me, the decisions I make about grad school, the college and subject to study. He will guide me to my Husband, He will show me the Heavens and much more. He will guide me deeper into the inner courts, where I will known my Savior.

I AM EXCITED!